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Bala Mookoni

Monthly Archives / August 2015

  • Aug 12 / 2015
  • 0

Relationships don’t have to suck anymore …

When we were young, we thought we would be better partners than others were to each other, we would be better parents, or quite simply, we would have better relationships than others seem to manage. And when we grew up, we found ourselves getting sucked into the same morass. Issues with partners, children, parents, siblings, colleagues and even friends at times have left a bitter taste in the mouth. Sometimes, our self-esteem takes a beating, and we are left wondering about what’s wrong with ourselves. The sad part is that many beautiful moments had been missed and many wonderful memories had gone wasted. The good part is that it doesn’t have to be like that any more. Managing relationships is not so difficult if we knew what makes people tick. Here are a few tips to help you keep your dear ones around you:

  • It is important to understand that place, time, season and situation has an impact on our moods and outlook. Most people find it difficult to be at their best all the time. In fact, the best actually comes out rarely. Without a lot of conscious effort and practice, it is hard to stay positive for longish spells.
  • We are all made differently. Human clones don’t yet exist. Even when they will, it is likely that they may still think differently. Diversity is a good thing. We need to encourage our people to think on their own and be themselves. We all complement each other. If we respect the differences, we learn and grow. Eventually, we will be happier.
  • It is easy to get worked up about what people say or do. But taking it easy actually makes life less messy. This is easier said than done, but it is possible. Being aware helps to stay calm and relaxed in our daily routines. And this, in turn, can be a buffer when we are buffeted by unkind behavior. Affirmations, self-talk directed to the heart in a meditative posture, and meditation can help to strengthen our resolve. In the beginning, it may appear insurmountable, but with practice, we can become what we want to be.
  • The best method to reform adults is through example. Adults hate being told or preached. But they are deeply touched by positive behavior. That’s why some people are deeply indebted to their partners, who had single-handedly kept the relationship going through turbulent times with their positivity and inner strength. So, the next time you are troubled by others’ behavior, look into yourself to see what you can do more positively to make them veer round. Then, see the magic unfold.
  • Food has an impact on how we feel and behave. Eating simple natural foods as much as possible and eating small (and more frequent, if needed) meals helps to feel light and fresh throughout the day, making us more relaxed and compassionate.
  • Staying happy helps to build happy relationships. Staying happy does not need any prerequisites or preconditions. It is an art, and you can choose to be continually happy right from this moment. Period.

If all these don’t work, take the help of a Life Coach. A good coach can change your life.


  • Aug 05 / 2015
  • 1

Why the Bell Curve is not Normal

Recently, Accenture announced that it was doing away with the bell curve appraisals for its employees. The bell curve or normal distribution of employees’ performance has never been a favourite with employees because it implies mandatory grading of people into the lowest category. It also implies that some good performers are downgraded because there are ‘no slots’ left. Here is an example of logic being overridden by system or rule. And this is actually self-defeating because it causes fear. Fear creeps in when there is something irrational. Fear leads to poor performance. In effect, a sytem that was designed to foster performance actually undermines it. It is not that the bell curve is pure evil. It is good for the few rated at the highest. But it is disheartening for most and even devastating for a few. Moreover, evaluation systems invariably leave room for errors and biases.

Good performance is directly related to enthusiasm. Driving people to perform without generating enthusiasm is not a sustainable process. It will collapse at the first hint of stress. Enthusiasm has a unique ability to cushion the blows. While happiness may not lead to enthusiasm, enthusiasm is killed when happiness goes kaput. If enthusiasm cannot be fostered, at least happiness should not get killed. Personalised mentoring and coaching are better ways to keep employees engaged. A good coach can easily generate enthusiasm in a happy employee, making him or her engaged.